My grandfather's funeral was this morning.
I didn't attend.
The funeral was far,far away.
Across the South China Sea.
In the Philippine islands.
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I did not attend because my SPM was 10 days away the day he passed away.
I was already on the verge of an emotional breakdown before it.
When my mother told me about what happened, I was shocked.
I was very sad. But I wasn't upset because he passed away.
But I was sad because I never got to know him.
So I went to my room and lied down on the floor, staring into the ceiling.
I do that sometimes to clear my head.
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I wanted to for the funeral.
I was planning to.
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My mother told me she didn't want to stress me out.
So she said I could just forego it.
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So I did.
Cause I knew if I went, I would be so disoriented in a foreign country;
completely forget what was going on here;
get upset when I saw my aunties and grandmother and cousins cry for the first time;
and just BE in that emotionally stressful environment.
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So I did,
not go.
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My mother flew off on Monday night and my father left on Tuesday night.
I've been alone, all week in this house.
Not exactly how I'd expect to experience my first week alone in this house.
Not exactly how I'd expect to spend the last 10 days before SPM starts.
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I've kept my guard up as much as I could,
to not get upset because of this unfortunate event;
and to not get distracted.
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But I'll admit, I did crack many times.
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Mark surprised me yesterday on my doorstep with bunkus-ed maggi goreng.
That cheered me up.
I really needed that.
Thank you (:

So here's to you Dr. Reynaldo Roman,
I'll always regret the fact I never got to know you,
but I want to thank you for raising this colorful bunch of people I call my aunties, uncle and mother.



Goodbye Lolo.
<3